A Hard Pill to Swallow (Motivation for Evangelism pt. 1/2)

Anonymous

When I was 7 years old, my family took Vitamin-C tablets together every morning. I’m sure it benefited us physically, but it was very sour and swallowing pills wasn’t under my belt back then. I would put it in my mouth with water and it would just sit there for 30 minutes. I had two choices: to swallow it somehow, or to let it sit and let the acid make my teeth feeling sour for the rest of the morning. And I can assure you—not taking it wasn’t an option in my family.
 
Why don’t you share the Gospel with others? As God began to convict me in this area, He revealed to me the web of sins that was entangling my life. Excuses such as “I’m busy,” “It will happen in the future,” or “I’m just waiting for the perfect timing” were mere facades I put up in order for me to avoid swallowing the hard “pill.” The reality, after everything was stripped away, was (and is) this: I’m much more sinful than I want to admit. I had to swallow this pill so many times in my spiritual walk with God. By His grace, He never allowed me to throw the pills away. I would like to share with you the honest answers to why I didn’t share the Gospel with others.
 
Loving God?
We know the greatest commandment: we are to love God with all our being (Deut. 6:4; Matt. 22:37-38; Mark 12:30; Luke 10:27). Christ also said, “If you love Me, you will keep My commandments” (John 14:15). The greatest way we can express our love for Christ is to keep His commandments. Our Savior and Lord Jesus Christ commanded us to go and make disciples of all nations (Matt. 28:18-20). I think of the demoniac in the country of the Gerasenes. After the demons had gone out of him, he begged Jesus that he might follow Him. Christ responded, “‘Return to your house and describe what great things God has done for you.’ So, he went away, proclaiming throughout the whole city what great things Jesus had done for him” (Luke 8:39). Faith without works is dead, right? Did I love God? Then where was the proof of my love for Him?
 
Loving others?
“The second is like it, ‘you shall love your neighbor as yourself’” (Matt. 22:39). Here is the second greatest commandment. The classic question goes like this: if you knew someone was in danger of being killed soon, wouldn’t you tell him? Think about that a little bit more and apply it to the spiritual reality. The strangers I meet on a regular basis might be on their way to hell. My lost friends and family are going to burn forever because they don’t know the Savior Who is our true satisfaction. Faith without works is dead, right? Did I love others? Then where was the proof of my love for them?
 
Loving myself.
“I don’t want to think about it. The world’s about me. I’d rather play more video games in my room than go share the Gospel with someone. Why would I want to be awkward? I don’t want to be smirked at or be judged by others. My pride is too valuable for that. I want to be cool and sharing the Gospel doesn’t really sound cool. And what if I lose my friends? Yes, Christ died for me, but I really don’t want to think about that because the conviction will grow stronger. Let me just live my own life. Let me do whatever I feel like doing and I’ll let others take care of evangelism.”
 
Quite selfish, isn’t it? I would have never said it. I would have never consciously thought through those words. But I know what was in my heart: my self-love trumped over everything. Did I love myself so much to be ashamed of the Gospel? Yes—absolutely yes. What I thought and cared about proved the desire of my heart.
 
I’m a wretched sinner with a deceitful heart. When I was in primary school, my mom sat me down and asked me a question: “Moses, do you love God more, or video games more?” I proudly replied, “God more.” And she said, “No you don’t. Let’s try it again—do you love God more, or video games more?” This went on for about 15 minutes. I started crying and accusing my mom for trying to make me lie. At the end, I finally said, “I love video games more.” As soon as I said it, I knew it was the truth. “Yes, Moses,” my mom said, “you’re an idolater.” That day, I learned what it means to worship idols.
 
Yes, I did love God and love others as His child saved by grace alone, even though the evidence was barely minimum. Why was that? Peter said, “Grace and peace be multiplied to you in the knowledge of God and of Jesus our Lord; seeing that His divine power has granted us everything pertaining to life and godliness, through the true knowledge of Him who called us by His own glory and excellence” (2 Pet. 1:2-3). God sanctifies us through our knowledge of Him. Our love for God increases as we get to know Him better. My problem was that my view of God’s holiness, love, grace, mercy, kindness, goodness, etc. was way smaller than myself and the pleasures of this world. Obviously, I won’t share the Gospel if God is not sweeter than my life! “Because Your lovingkindness is better than life, my lips will praise You” (Ps. 63:3). I didn’t believe this and my life proved it.
 
I began to repent and ask God to change my sinful heart. I cried out daily, “God, I love You, and I want to love You more for the sake of Your glory. Reveal Yourself to me.” Then God sanctified me step by step through the truth of His Word just as He promised. I got to know Him more and He was so much better than I thought. The sparkles that I surrounded myself with began to grow dim and His light shone brighter and brighter. I wanted Him now. The more I got to know Him, the more I realized that I’m a wretched sinner with a deceitful heart.
 
My love for God grew and my love for others followed. There was a tipping point when I decided to just get out there and start sharing the Gospel. What a joy it is to express my love for Christ! The struggle is still inside me, so I continue to pray even today, “God, I love You, and I want to love You more for the sake of Your glory. Reveal Yourself to me.”
 
Why aren’t you sharing the Gospel with others? If you think you have a similar story like mine, would you pray with me? He promises us that He hears and answers our prayers (1 Jn. 5:14-15). I guarantee that God is fully capable of keeping His promises (Jos. 21:45; Rom. 4:20-21; Php. 1:6). After all, our infinite God is so much better than we can ever imagine.